There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
