He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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