I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
