If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
