It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
