Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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