his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
