There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
