So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
