I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize