Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
