In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
