One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
