help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
