I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
