i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
