walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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