i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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