Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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