I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
