Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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