Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
