well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
