oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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