I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize