I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
