Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
