Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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