420 ftw
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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