Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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