Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
