Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
