well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
