I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
