I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
