You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
