I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
