I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
