i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize