He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
