i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
ttyl tear gas
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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