Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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