we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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