Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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