I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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