....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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