Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
