You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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