Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
