There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
