His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
