I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
