If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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