Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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