I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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