the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
