The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
