I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
