You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
