She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
