The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
