I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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