i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
