I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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