The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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