so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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