im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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