I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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