If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
