What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
