Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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