You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
